What 2 Samuel Taught Me About My Own Heart

This morning during my quiet time, a verse jumped off the page and cut straight to my heart:

"And Absalom, whom we anointed over us, is dead in battle. Now therefore why do you say not a word of bringing the king back?" — 2 Samuel 19:10

Reading the study notes, the Holy Spirit confronted me with a sharp question: Who do you want as king over your life—yourself, or Jesus?

Simultaneously, my mom sent me a reel where someone was basically saying that they didn't want to get to heaven and have Jesus show them the life they COULD have had if they had followed His plan" Talk about a wake-up call!

This was what I kept reading about all week! Saul and His failure as a king due

to self reliance and idolatry versus the blessings for David who was a man after God's own heart.

In looking into Saul's kingship it was clear that he relied on himself and not God. After a while he was unable to hear God's instructions because of his disobedience and rebellion. He even went so far as to consult a medium—a tragic reminder of how unchecked sin compounds, leading only to deeper spiritual compromise. Saul's hardened heart ultimately cost him his kingship.

I was sick inside knowing that my heart was hardening and I DID NOT want to end up like Saul. I needed to change course and do it immediately!

For most of my life, I struggled with deep-seated fear, pride—arrogance, self-centeredness, and trying to control everything. When I gave my life to Christ, He began peeling back those layers, showing me that He is faithful and trustworthy and that He is a good Father. Bottom line, I could trust Him and that His will is my best case scenario. I have been learning that the path to peace lies in an obedient heart that is humble and relies on Him and not myself.

Yet, for the past couple of years, I’ve been wallowing in self pity over the losses in my life - people, places, and things. Even though His "no" was very clear and on the outside I was obeying Him, on the inside my heart was pouting and sulking - I was backslidden!

I kept looking back lamenting and even feeling angry with Him over those losses. I said "fine" like a teenage girl and stomped off slamming my bedroom door. I was clinging to my own kingdom rather than His. I knew He was right and that I needed to let go of the false sense of control I was hanging onto. He even gave me a picture of a ski rope with the handle and a short rope just laying there on the ground while I was desperately clinging to it. How ridiculous to be hanging onto nothing?! I was getting weary of this battle and He knew it. Deep down I knew that I needed to surrender. He had good plans for me and I didn't want to miss out on them.

Today was the day! After two years, I finally reached the end of my rope to nowhere. I had been wandering around in this desert long enough and I was ready to surrender my will to His. So I did it - I laid those losses on the altar and made a firm commitment to yield fully to His Lordship. His way is infinitely better, and I am ready to move forward into His plan letting it all unfold in His perfect timing. What a relief! There is peace in being still.

Praise Jesus for His patience with me and that His love for us is so fierce that He will not let us settle for less than His best.

Are you resisting the Lord's plans? Is there something that you need to lay on the altar? My advice is to do it now. Don't spend extra time like I did holding onto the past and looking in the rear view mirror when God is calling you to look up at Him and step into all that He has for you.

Chris